Michael and Jessica came into the office and sat as far away from each other as possible.
Jessica was holding in anger and Michael was trying to stay out of her way.



DESCRIPTION OF COUPLE
Michael (31) and Jessica (29) have been married for five years but have dated since high school. Michael works in real estate and Jessica is an accountant. They came into counseling with a bunch of challenges, but most of the resentment for Jessica stemmed from Michael moving out for two months and making her feel like he gave up on their relationship. Michael’s chief complaint was that he couldn’t, “Be himself”.



DESCRIPTION OF COUNSELOR
Stephan Gombis, BA, MSMFT, LCPC
Sprout Hope Now

Stephan specializes in individual, couples and family therapy. Stephan is an interactive, solution-focused therapist. His therapeutic approach is to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. He integrates complementary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach, tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, he works with each individual and couple to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth they are committed to accomplishing.



FIRST MEETING IMPRESSIONS
I could feel the tension in the room. Jessica have a lot of resentment in the form of contempt and Michael got good at emotionally withdrawing to show he couldn’t be controlled.

As I dug a bit deeper I came to realize that Jessica was estranged from her father and that was a very big wound she hadn’t recovered from. And Michael’s move out reignited her feelings of abandonment, an act she had difficulty forgiving him for.

Michael shared that his dad whom he looked up to died suddenly in the summer of 2010 and said, “It impacted me”. Which said to me, it hadn’t been fully processed and was impacting his ability to invest in his marriage.

GETTING STARTED
I knew this couple was on thin ice and needed something hopeful fast. I decided to explore a few areas I knew they hadn’t: how their past was impacting their present. I did this to end the demonization and help humanize Michael and Jessica in the presence of their partner.



A LIFE-CHANGING BREAKTHROUGH
It wasn’t a quick fix, but over the course of a few weeks, Jessica started to understand how numb and empty Michael felt when his father died. Those feelings were reignited when he felt like he had to choose between Jessica and his family. When he felt like he had no influence or control he would check out.

Michael connected how his leaving triggered feelings of abandonment for Jessica that stemmed from her father being absent in her life. She had a hard time forgiving her father and she had a hard time forgiving Michael.

MOVING FORWARD
To keep the gains they achieved in couples counseling, Michael and Jessica will need to continue the practice of creating a safe space for each other to share how their past is influencing their present.