Aaron appeared calm and reserved, Emily frustrated and annoyed.
When the came into the office they sat on the couch, leaning way from each other. Emily appeared very stressed out.



DESCRIPTION OF COUPLE
Aaron (46) and Emily (42) had been married for three years before coming into counseling. Aaron owned his own business, but it was very stressful and took up a lot of his time. Emily was a type A, high performing business executive for a large corporation. Because they got married so late in life they decided not to have children.



DESCRIPTION OF COUNSELOR
Stephan Gombis, BA, MSMFT, LCPC
Sprout Hope Now

Stephan specializes in individual, couples and family therapy. Stephan is an interactive, solution-focused therapist. His therapeutic approach is to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. He integrates complementary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach, tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, he works with each individual and couple to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth they are committed to accomplishing.



FIRST MEETING IMPRESSIONS
When Aaron and Emily came into my office it was Emily who took the lead in addressing why they set up the appointment. She shared how upset she was by her husband’s lack of commitment. She said he rarely came home and when he did he’d watch football on the television. She felt like he had given up and she felt like an idiot sticking around when he didn’t want her.

Aaron responded with, “I love Emily, I’m just not sure I’m in love with Emily anymore.”

I knew there had to be more to this than what was being shared in that moment. It seemed like they both shared their talking points and then went back into their corners. I had to find a way to draw them out and risk being vulnerable with each other without resenting or blaming the other.

GETTING STARTED
The first major hurdle I wanted Aaron and Emily to get over was that they were enemies. Emily needed to see Aaron demonstrating that he was committed to her. And Aaron needed Emily to know him by listening to his perspective rather than judge him and tell him what his own intensions were.



A LIFE-CHANGING BREAKTHROUGH
Through the course of our session, Aaron shared that he often wanted to leave work earlier, but feared he would be fired. Just knowing that Aaron wanted to be home with Emily helped calm her fear that he wasn’t committed. And at once point Emily shared that when Aaron doesn’t find time to focus on his wife she feels like he doesn’t care about her. Aaron got it and apologized for making her feel that way.

MOVING FORWARD
I wanted to help Aaron and Emily continue reshaping the stories they were telling about each other into a more positive light. When a couple can see their partner and their relationship in positivity, slights become smaller and less significant. And efforts to connect are more noticed. To add more positivity, I asked each of them to look for and validate three acts of generosity to their partner everyday. This was just the first step, but practicing this small assignment really helped this couple start to reprioritize what was on their plates and reshape the narratives they told about their relationship.